Straightalk:
Straightalk — about being a teen from a teen
By Yossi

Why We Rebel

Do you hate your parents? I’m sure it’s happened to some of you, after a fight as you run to your room and slam the door shut, that you think to yourself, “I hate them.” Do you mean it? Do you even have a right to say it?

There are many reasons why teenagers are not happy. As we get older, we are faced with problems and decisions that we never had to deal with before. We start to form our own opinions and ideas about how we want to live our lives. We also have to deal with our parents, siblings, school, society, friends, and most of all, ourselves.

Everyone’s parents are different. Some care, while others don’t. The parents who do care don’t always know how to show it. The ones who don’t care may be in need of care themselves.

I have come to my own conclusion that most parents really do care very much, but we think they don’t. I mean, if they did care about us then they would let us do what we want! They wouldn’t put restrictions on us! The problem is that they think that they know what is going on in the world but hey, they’re from a different generation, and times have changed. They think that they always know what is best for us. I’m sure you’ve heard before, “It’s just that I don’t want you to make the same mistakes that I made.” Well, for their information, sometimes we have to.

If they really cared, why do they have to make a big deal out of every little thing, like the way we dress, our hairstyle, what time we come home at night, or even who our friends are?

I think that the reason we have all these problems is because our parents really do care about us and love us. Therefore they also have expectations for us. You probably won’t agree (right now) with the next thing I’m about to say, but you’re lucky to have these problems. It means your parents do care about you, and parents who care can be worked with. If you don’t have these problems it’s because your parents don’t care enough.

Your parents tried to instill certain qualities in you while you were growing up and they expect you to act accordingly. A lot of times what they expect isn’t fair or doesn’t seem fair, while there are other times when we should be doing things without even being told. So who’s the problem, who’s at fault? Us or our parents?

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Have you ever wondered why it is that some kids are so messed up, especially kids from really good families, and other kids aren’t? You would think that someone whose parent is a principal or a shrink would come out all right. If so, why is it that kids are straying so far from the way that their parents raised them?

I think the answer is that, ultimately, it’s you who is going to decide the course of your life.

There are many reasons why we “rebel” against our parents. One reason is because they put too much pressure on us and expect too much. I remember one time I missed the bus to school in the morning. My mother got so upset at me that for the next month I had a 9 p.m. curfew! Now if you really want to know what happened, I had an electric alarm clock and the electricity blew during the night and it reset my alarm. Do you think that when I told my mother that, it changed anything from her point of view? Of course not. All she saw was that I missed the bus.

So, of course, I got upset at her and decided that there was no point in trying to be good and do the right thing if every time I tried, I got in trouble. I started missing school and cutting classes, and eventually what happened was that now I was not only in trouble with my parents but with school also. I got kicked out of school and things went from bad to worse, and all because of a stupid alarm clock. If I had only thought for a moment before reacting and said to myself, “Okay, she is making a big deal out of it, but I know it’s because she really wants me to keep up in class,” none of this would ever have happened.

Someone whose parents don’t care about them will never have these problems because nothing is expected of them. If, by chance, he doesn’t get up one morning, he will get up the next. Granted, having parents who don’t care isn’t a preferable alternative, for although they might not put restrictions on you, you’re basically all alone. If this is the case then it’s totally up to you to decide if you want to be good or not.

Another reason why a teen might “rebel” is because we are embarrassed by who our parents are and their positions in the community. We therefore try to prove to people that we are not like our parents. I mean, who would want to be your friend if you are the son or daughter of their teacher? If your parent has a high position you might be fed up, not with what your parents expect of you, but with what other people expect of you or think of you because of who your parents are. In other words, they have unrealistic expectations based on who your parents are, not who you are.

It’s really funny how when we were little kids we used to always fight and argue about whose daddy is stronger. As kids we all looked up to our parents. Just to give a personal example: I remember looking through a filing cabinet in my house one time. I came across an essay that I wrote in second grade. Its title was “The Person I Admire Most.” Of course I figured that I wrote about myself, but I was wrong. I had written about my mother. My mother! What was I thinking? So I guess, as we grow older, we don’t really appreciate our parents as much as we did when we were growing up. Why is that? What causes us to forget or throw out the reasons we looked up to our parents?

Well, based on what we just said, because of 1) too much pressure, or 2) being embarrassed by who are parents are, or 3) not being looked at as an individual — these things can definitely cause us to move away from our parents and their lives. We didn’t have these problems when we were growing up, because when you are little individuality isn’t always such a big thing, and your parents’ jobs don’t really affect your life when you’re six.

Feeling that you are an individual is very important, so when we feel that our parents don’t recognize us as one, we try to go out of our way to feel like one, namely by doing things that our parents wouldn’t approve of and not listening to them. (Sometimes our parents get so involved with their social standings that they don’t spend enough time with us. I remember hearing about a very successful person whose son started taking drugs. Some people approached him and asked, “Isn’t the apple not supposed to fall far from the tree?” He said back to them, “It depends how high the tree is.” So you see, sometimes parents are so involved with helping others or with their own issues that they don’t give their own kids the time that they need.)

Yet one has to wonder what really changed from when we were little kids to now? When did we start feeling that our parents don’t care?

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